But some people happen to think they’re really scary.

When we ran our first brainstorming sessions for the show, I shouted:  ”How can you possibly film a kids show without a clown? Let’s put one in Fresh Fruit Pie!”  Another writer piped up, “Absolutely not.  We don’t want to creep everybody out.”  Within seconds, the room exploded into an argument between whether “clowns are scary” or “clowns are cool.”

Clearly, clowns scare some people.  But are they truly scary from a basic gut instinct level (like spiders or public speaking), or is it only certain features that make clowns scary? As mad scientists, we like to push the envelope, so we set out to research what was needed to create an unscary clown.

First, let’s look at a creepy clown and see if we can de-creepify him.  Pictured to the right is Bozo the Clown, one of the most famous TV clowns in the world.  Some think he’s funny.  Others believe he’s devil incarnate.

Well, of course he looks like Satan. Look at that hair, all red and angry-looking; and shaped like the devil’s horns!

Posted on the left is the most demonic pic of Bozo we could find.  Can you believe this dude was the host of a kids show for 50 years?  Certainly some children in his audience were scarred for life, doomed to an existence of despair and endless nightmares.

Time to do a total makeover on Bozo.  Maybe we can mold and soften his image into something that won’t be the cause of so many wet bedsheets.

STEP 1: EVIL CLOWN w/ COOL HAIR. The first thing to go is that ghastly hair.  Let’s replace it with a color that’s more appealing.  How about bright fluorescent green?  And those horns, gone.   Instead, we give him the most awesome hair style known to man – a giant ‘fro.  (The second most awesome being a mullet). Already he’s starting to look better, but still not where we want him.

STEP 2. DE-GHOULIFY. Next, the makeup.  All those sharp constrast lines and white goo remind people of ghouls and zombies.  It strips away the person’s humanity and masks it behind a cartoonish version of a dead face.  A clown is supposed to be a funny man, not a walking corpse.  Combine that with over-exaggerated smiling/giggling, and you’ve got creeper city. It’s important that we have lots of smiling and giggling of course, but the makeup we can keep off.  Leave the goop in the tube.

STEP 3. LOSE THE NOSE. Finally, the red nose.  Who in their right mind puts a bright red nose on a clown?  This isn’t Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  Big, wonky, oily human noses look much more humorous.  Flush the round fuzzy ball down the toilet…now!

So instead of a “clown,” we’ve got merely a fun-loving guy who wears a bright green ‘fro and a polka-dotted jumpsuit.  Hire the genius actor Ben Little to play up some crazy clownishness, and a sparkling character emerges for Fresh Fruit Pie:  Garbanzo the Clown.

If you are still convinced that all clowns are scary, even our harmless and lovable Garbanzo, just wait until Fresh Fruit Pie: Party! gets released this fall – you’ll adore him just as much as we do.

Like this behind the scenes article?  Then shoot us your comments below.

Sick, twisted, real-life fairy tales.

You are about to read one of these stories.

Once upon a time (as in, a few days ago), I set off on a search for treasures (trinkets that could double as props/costumes) in a faraway land (road trip to the mall).  One item on the prop list to search for:  an interesting necktie.  You know, the ones that office guys wear to work every day.

Most ties are boring or, even worse, stylish.  And stylish is not good enough for Fresh Fruit Pie – we need something that’s wicked awesome or, at the very least, cheesy.  So the hunt was on.

As I walked through the mall, passing by glitzy stores filled with overpriced stylish bath towels, I soon discovered a little mom & pop store with a big sign posted on the front window:

Going out of business.  50% off everything.

Sweet!  Cheap stuff we can cover in slime!

Then it hit me.  I noticed a tie rack at the very front of the store.  A moment later, I saw it – THE ONE.  A black piece of polyester beauty covered in pictures of floating dollar bills – 100s, 50s, 20s.  It was perfect for a scene in the first episode (you’ll have to wait for the show’s release to see how we use it).  Even the price was right:  $2.  I had to buy it and couldn’t wait to try it on.

As I struggled to tear the tie off the rack, the manager of the store, a lady born and raised in China, approached me: “You like?  Feel free to look around.  Take all the time you need.  I give you big discount.”

I took her up on the offer.  Why not?

So I browse through the store, and immediately I see tons upon tons of cool stuff:  Chinese wall art, fancy clothing, and, what’s this – samurai swords?!  I hit the jackpot.  I felt like a kid in a candy store.  The whole store was mine!  For 50% off!

My wallet was screaming NO.  But my boyish curiosity (and the petite Asian manager) was screaming YES!

I plucked out a cool shirt that caught my eye.  “Chinese royalty wears this,” she said.  Chinese royalty?  I could look like royalty?!  Sweet!  The shirt was on sale for $12.50.  SOLD!

“Okay,” I thought to myself, “I splurged my fourteen bucks for the day to buy a shirt and tie.  Time to go home.”

But on my way out, the manager caught up with me: “Look around some more.  Take all the time you need.  I give you big discount.”

Turning back around, I again noticed all the cool stuff in the store.  So again, I jumped at the offer.  Why not?

Next up was a wall filled with ornate Asian dresses.  All were absolutely stunning.  There was even a red one that matched the red color decorating my newly purchased shirt.  Only one problem, though:  I’m a guy, and I don’t wear dresses.

Ah, but I know someone who does.  So I give my gal a call, and it turns out she was coincidentally on her way to the mall for some shopping herself.

We met up in the store, and within seconds of seeing her, I charmed her over to the wall of dresses (as in, dragging her by the wrists while hopping up and down) to persuade her to try on the red dress.

Alas, she scurried back to the dressing room, and when she came out “30 seconds” later…it was perfect.  Beautiful.  It matched her, it matched my shirt, and it cost only $12.50.  SOLD!

Then, the manager came out again:  “Look around some more.  Take all the time you need.  I give you big discount.”

“Okay,” I replied.  “This shirt is so cool.  That dress is so cool.  Why not have two colors?”

I plucked another shirt.  This time, it had gold color instead of red.  “That’s the shirt the Emperor wears,” the manager claimed.  The Emperor?  I could look like the Emperor?!  That’s better than royalty!  Sweet!  $12.50.  SOLD!  Of course, we had to get a matching dress, so I had my gal try on a black & gold dress.  $12.50.  SOLD!

“Look around some more.  Take all the time you need.  I give you big discount.”

A shirt with tiger patterns appeared before my eyes. The manager quipped, “Valentine’s Day is Chinese New Year. Year of the Tiger. Wear that, and Chinese people will love you.” SOLD!

My gal emerged from the dressing room wearing another beautiful silver dress with blue dragon designs.  SOLD!

A set of medallions that celebrate the 12 years of the Chinese calendar.  Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Sheep, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, and Pig – all 75% off!  SOLD!

Dozens of dishes, 50 cents each. SOLD!

Some really cool Asian artwork up there on the wall.  I picked three. Original price:  Over $200.  My price:  $35.  SOLD!

Then the manager pulled out the big tamale.  The mother of all posters:  An authentic Chinese print of Bruce Lee.  “Bruce Lee is only one who know kung fu,“ she bragged.  “Jackie Chan not know kung fu.  Just Bruce Lee.  Everyone in China know this.”

Well, shucks.  How could I resist that?  How could I resist Bruce Lee?  I couldn’t, and I didn’t.  SOLD!

I ended up shopping at the store for 3 hours.  She had me hook, line, and sinker.  The madness only stopped when I finally ran out of cash.   Thank heavens they didn’t accept credit cards, because if I had any more cash, I would’ve snatched one of the samurai swords, too.  But seriously, as cool as it would be to have hanging on the wall, what practical use would I have for a samurai sword?

Slicing watermelon?

The manager of the store shouted to me on the way out, “Come back tomorrow when you have more money.  I give you big discount.”  You can’t imagine how tempting that was.  Looking back, though, I’m glad I escaped the tempting clutch of unlimited half-price Chinese goodies when I had the chance.

It just goes to show you – all of us have our weak points.  Sometimes we trip up.  Other times, epic fail.  Good thing life’s not always about perfection.

As you’ll see in an article that’s soon to come, the idea of Fresh Fruit Pie was inspired by the “Fruit of the Spirit” in the Bible.  One of those “fruits” is self-control, and one of our upcoming shows will be a crazy hilarious play on this theme.

Self-control is pretty duh-self-explanatory – it means that a person “controls himself.”  Looks like I could use a tune up of my own self-control before writing a TV show about self-control, eh?