How to Turn Really Scary Clowns Into Lovable Party Guests

I love clowns.  Always have.  Always will.

But some people happen to think they’re really scary.

When we ran our first brainstorming sessions for the show, I shouted:  ”How can you possibly film a kids show without a clown? Let’s put one in Fresh Fruit Pie!”  Another writer piped up, “Absolutely not.  We don’t want to creep everybody out.”  Within seconds, the room exploded into an argument between whether “clowns are scary” or “clowns are cool.”

Clearly, clowns scare some people.  But are they truly scary from a basic gut instinct level (like spiders or public speaking), or is it only certain features that make clowns scary? As mad scientists, we like to push the envelope, so we set out to research what was needed to create an unscary clown.

First, let’s look at a creepy clown and see if we can de-creepify him.  Pictured to the right is Bozo the Clown, one of the most famous TV clowns in the world.  Some think he’s funny.  Others believe he’s devil incarnate.

Well, of course he looks like Satan. Look at that hair, all red and angry-looking; and shaped like the devil’s horns!

Posted on the left is the most demonic pic of Bozo we could find.  Can you believe this dude was the host of a kids show for 50 years?  Certainly some children in his audience were scarred for life, doomed to an existence of despair and endless nightmares.

Time to do a total makeover on Bozo.  Maybe we can mold and soften his image into something that won’t be the cause of so many wet bedsheets.

STEP 1: EVIL CLOWN w/ COOL HAIR. The first thing to go is that ghastly hair.  Let’s replace it with a color that’s more appealing.  How about bright fluorescent green?  And those horns, gone.   Instead, we give him the most awesome hair style known to man – a giant ‘fro.  (The second most awesome being a mullet). Already he’s starting to look better, but still not where we want him.

STEP 2. DE-GHOULIFY. Next, the makeup.  All those sharp constrast lines and white goo remind people of ghouls and zombies.  It strips away the person’s humanity and masks it behind a cartoonish version of a dead face.  A clown is supposed to be a funny man, not a walking corpse.  Combine that with over-exaggerated smiling/giggling, and you’ve got creeper city. It’s important that we have lots of smiling and giggling of course, but the makeup we can keep off.  Leave the goop in the tube.

STEP 3. LOSE THE NOSE. Finally, the red nose.  Who in their right mind puts a bright red nose on a clown?  This isn’t Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  Big, wonky, oily human noses look much more humorous.  Flush the round fuzzy ball down the toilet…now!

So instead of a “clown,” we’ve got merely a fun-loving guy who wears a bright green ‘fro and a polka-dotted jumpsuit.  Hire the genius actor Ben Little to play up some crazy clownishness, and a sparkling character emerges for Fresh Fruit Pie:  Garbanzo the Clown.

If you are still convinced that all clowns are scary, even our harmless and lovable Garbanzo, just wait until Fresh Fruit Pie: Party! gets released this fall – you’ll adore him just as much as we do.

Like this behind the scenes article?  Then shoot us your comments below.